Nurses Cry Too

I placed my mom's IV, then I started to shake. Why am I shaking? Why am I scared? I told myself that it's ok to be scared; my mom is really sick.

Seventh floor nurses had tried her IV and missed twice, so they asked if I'd place one. I nailed it, and I'm super proud of my IV skills I've gained since I've been working in the ER.

My nurse-daughter responsibilities cross-over continually through this process. I've trained myself when I walk into the hospital, to shut my emotions off to a certain level so that I don't sob over every struggling patient. (I do often weep privately though). 18 years of training made it hard for me to realize that this was MY mom and MY family and that it was ok, and even healthy, for ME to have emotions.

This IV experience was a good moment of internal understanding. I can perform the helpful nursing tasks on my own mother while also experiencing the daughter-like emotions. I'm actually grateful to have had this moment because sometimes I have felt so numb.

I had a second experience when I literally sprinted into the hospital from my car. I had received an alarming phone call while in-route. I gasped and sobbed in the elevator. I don't like feeling that emotional, but I again needed my hospital break-down moment.

I love my angel mom, and I am so happy to care for her as "the nurse-daughter"!